Fear and Loathing


“Hello, this is the gender clinic, Greet speaking?”
“This is Rowan, I´m calling with a few questions. I was wondering if you could stop calling me ma´am in our correspondence? And also, how come my first appointment is for endocrinology?”
“That´s not possible, you´ll have to go through our six months diagnostic process. As far as your appointment, just ignore it, we have everything mixed up, you´ll speak to the psychiatrist mentioned”.
“Allright, thank you very much, good – ”

*line goes dead*

As you can see, I finally have an appointment to talk to a shrink. I have given consent to have my psyche examined for strange anomalies that could provide an explanation for my gender-nonconforming behavior.

I am also not planning on waiting six months for them to change the way they adress me. The dentist changed my gender marker, so did my GP, and the specialists I was seeing for my broken toe. Last mentioned even called me when I was home, and they said: “would you like for us to call you by a different first name, sir?”

Maybe it´s that I´m gradually moving into my thirties, or maybe it´s the way my parents raised me, but to me basic courtesy is one of those indispensable things – and I´m not talking about the plastic, kind of rude courtesy that some store clerks pretend to have, when they are wishing you “a good day” whilst eyeing the next customer.

Courtesy really defines the person, so you can imagine that this Greet person isn´t exactly high in my regard, right now. What has been bothering me for six months now, though, is that generally speaking this is the attitude I´ve been getting from professionals who are specializing in gender.

Calls are met with disdain and all questions answered with dismissive demeanor; you would think that I am this huge pain in their ass, which in fact I am because I keep pestering them to give me quality care – but I´m not the only one. The gender world is heavy with hatred and loathing.

We hate them and they hate us. We both want to get rid of each other as soon as possible. If there´s anything in this world I don´t need, it´s got to be this atmosphere – in fact no one needs this. I so hope that this will change sometime in the future.


4 thoughts on “Fear and Loathing

  1. Unfotunately, they will most likely continue calling you ma’am. That’s what happened to me there. It seems to be their policy to keep misgendering you until they have officially diagnosed you with gender dysphoria. Great, innit?


    1. I´ve sent a request to the city for financial aid, so I can pay for the two official talks I need to have it changed officially.

      You can do that, it just costs a lot more money than if you stick with the regular treatment and get your gender change after six months.

      It wouldn´t kill them to call me by the correct pronouns anyway, but maybe they´re just enjoying their power trip a little too much.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Call me paranoid, but I think it’s the latter. Power-hungry asshats.
        For me, it’s not a smart mover to get my gender marker changed already, because I look and sound too feminine still, and it would potentially cause tons of problems. Also, I’d prefer to have my gender marker changed to neutral, which isn’t possible (yet).

        Liked by 2 people

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