1st 2nd Appointment

afternoondelightJPG

look… into my eyes….
I don´t need therapy…

Usually, when I write a post, I look for an accompanying picture that really reflects the content. Sometimes, the kind of picture I find has an effect on the content. Like this picture of Will in Good Will Hunting. Like Will, I now find myself in a situation where I´m forced to undergo psychiatric analysis and evaluation even though I have never asked for it.

Like him, I see no incentive to share a moment of emotional catharsis with the gender therapist, whom I even barely know. I thoroughly enjoyed Will´s ridicule, when midway a session with a hypnotherapist, he starts: “He… he´s touching me down there… I´m nervous…“. “We start dancing, and… it´s just… beautiful… we can make a lotta love before the sun goes down… skyrockets in flight!”*

The scene beautifully deconstructs the socially accepted idea that you can share your most intimate moments with an absolute stranger and this will help you get better. In the movie, it takes a lot of commitment and opening up from therapist Sean to get Will to talk; because rather than talking shrink to client, they now talk man to man, on the same level.

The trouble with this gender therapist I´m seeing is that first of all, I did not ask for any help with my background problems. He just assumed that since I want to transition, and I also happen to have troubles in the department of mental health, it´s okay for him to ask personal questions – even after knowing me for a grand total of one and a half hour.

Second, I hate dependency in vertical power situations. What I mean by that is he and the team are the gatekeepers – they decide. They make up the terms and the conditions, instead of crafting personalized terms and conditions that actually apply to me as an individual. The conditions are that I must work on the things that upset my balance the most.

Talk about unrealistic expectations. Talk about bizarre demands. The fact that I am not balanced is no reason to postpone treatment – it is reason to start sooner. The fact that I am not balanced is no reason to make me root through and expose all things that make me feel worthless. If anything, doing those things exacerbates my imbalance.

*The scene from Good Will Hunting:

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