This hopefully is one of my last, if not my last week pre-T. Yesterday, I went to the doctors office to give blood. I was so nervous about it I had to take medication the night before just so I could sleep a bit. When I lived in Spain I once had to give blood and I had felt so horrible afterwards that I managed to dodge giving blood from then onward, but thankfully it was nothing like that.
The nurse who drew blood was very pleasant and to be honest I barely noticed anything. When I was done, I biked to a little park next to an old, very cool cemetery here in the city (I can bike again and walk short distances – still have CRPS, but it is manageable). I had a bottle of coke which I normally don´t drink but it helps when I feel faint, and a baguette with jamón serrano (yum).
While I sat there I thought about the year I just had and about my life before. When I still had a different name. And I thought about the mixed feelings I had about starting. Because I thought that starting would be like this Great Thing. And it is. But my festive feeling is muffled by the pain that I had to go through before I could realize that I needed to take control of my life, do what is best for me.
The nurse said that it would take three days for the blood to be analyzed, so I´ll call the office next Wednesday to find out about the results. I am assuming that my liver, kidneys and so forth are in okay shape. I live relatively healthy, the stress that I go through certainly isn´t, but I expect it won´t have caused too much damage there (it mostly damages my teeth).
What I´m most curious about is the hormones. Yesterday I still was suffering from mood swings and acne, so it was a great time to measure the imbalance, I think. What´s going on with them? Do I have too little testosterone? Too much? Why do I feel lethargic and under the weather nearly all the time? Questions. I am really looking forward to being on T and seeing if it will balance me out hormone wise.
I am looking forward to a lot of things. I want to feel healthier. Be more energetic. Have more appetite. Have an easier time developing muscles and strength. A more comfortable singing voice. There´s so much things I could do without, too. The cursed PMS. The mood swings. The weird hormonal procreation rush – which is not the same as libido – it´s difficult to explain. Patience, my love.