I am currently dying. I´ve been experimenting a bit with my physique over the past month – what works the best for me, what foods are most healthy and easiest to eat, what sleeping routine works best to boost my mood. Two days ago, I decided to sleep on the ground. I´m kind of a minimalist anyway (who needs stuff) so I put a yoga mat on there and sleeping bags and gave it a try.

The first night I could barely sleep at all. My back hurt. When I finally fell asleep I woke up really early, like six, and it caused me to be pretty anxious throughout the day (not getting enough sleep tends to destabilize me emotionally). I ate some oatmeal and went for an early walk to the park before seeing my GP, who had requested I come see her. The park was completely empty at this time of the day.

I came in late to the office. Not good, I know, but to be fair there were many times were my practicioner (the one before her) would have me wait half an hour without notice. She asked me how things were going and what I planned to do next, since things have kind of stagnated with the gender team in Assen and I did not really get anywhere with my regular therapist either.

She said that if Alwin, from the gender team in Assen, could help me find an endocrinologist or help me personally, they would prescribe hormones for me. In which case I would be able to stop getting my hormones through Germany and they would be covered by my insurance, which is great news. I said that I would be willing to reconsider the gender team in Assen depending on how my  situation improves.

In the meantime I´ll be following separate treatment for my relentless OCD, and hopefully doing light therapy for my seasonal depression, which is bound to kick in again about end October or November. Things are getting more specific, and that´s great, because when I started out ten years ago therapists had no idea how to treat me and I have practically been in therapeutic limbo ever since.

At night I decided to try the sleeping on the floor thing again. Exhausted as I was, I fell asleep immediately and did not wake up throughout the night. This morning however I woke up with the worst back pain I have had in a very long time. It´s killing me, I kid you not. So I guess I will just be going back to the matress, although I would like to know how come I can´t handle flat surfaces.


5 thoughts on “Experimenting

    1. That is a great idea! However where I live it´s pretty much impossible to get one set up. Too small and I have a kitchen block in the area. Would be incredibly unpractical haha, but I will try this when I move


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