Anger Addiction

anger

As you perhaps read in my post about female dysphoria, frequent rages are not something I am unfamiliar with. I saw them around me – first in my role models, and then caught myself imitating their behavior. Hormones play a big role in emotion too, so that any emotional turmoil can actually be magnified (and more difficult to escape from) by any dip or rise in estrogen or testosterone.

I don´t know if men experience more rages than women do. I´m pretty sure that´s a myth. Men and women just have different ways of dealing with it – while (some) men will be more tempted to go outside and look for a fight, or sweat it off doing some physically intensive work, women might feel more emotionally unreliable and be more prone to get into an argument or send angry email (and regret it later).

However there are plenty of women that will get in your face, as I personally experienced. And it can be good. If used properly, anger can help you say what you need, draw limits, or call somebody out on their behavior. Anger helps you indicate that people should not mess with you and gives you the drive to take some initiative and put your foot down. And we need that.

However when anger is emotional, and not directed towards a healthy purpose, it destroys us and people around us. When I am angry for a long time, I develop the same kind of deep wrinkle sported by the guy in the picture. Another thing that happens when I am constantly angry is I reinforce it. This post, written by Tadas of angermentor.com, explains why.

Every time I rage against something, I feel like I am in power. That´s a nice place to be in, especially with this intense life we are living, and something that I have very often lacked in my life. However it doesn´t last long, because contrary to what we like to think, having power in life pretty much means that you let go of you what you can´t control, and pour your energy elsewhere.

Defeating anger addiction takes so much will. It means being ready to give up, give up a useless struggle and stop trying to force yourself or others in this rigid, very demanding ideal way of being. Although I rarely get angry at others – I´ve seen what it can do – the anger addiction is quite heavy on my life and something I´ve been struggling with for a long time.

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3 thoughts on “Anger Addiction

  1. Hi Cairtheand, found you here as my blog showed your link. You know, over the years I’ve realized that there is no way of -defeating- anger. Take for example addicts, there’s no way to defeat a habit if you fight it, one simply needs to find something else to replace the unwanted habit. Same with anger, the more we focus on it, the more try to do anything with it, the more it comes back. But if we instead slowly generate patience, kindness, wisdom, tolerance, etc. then in that space anger can not manifest. These new, more enlightened qualities simply take over and anger is pushed out like a bad guest. Everything is much more simple if we can see things this way, don’t you think. Be well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I had no idea that the link would show up, but thank you for taking the time to read! I happened unto your blog a short while ago, it´s very helpful.

      Yes, I think that´s the best way to approach it, although I hadn´t necessarily made that connection yet. I do usually feel less angry when I´ve been practicing yoga or working out. However in my case (gender dysphoria) the root cause of the anger keeps on coming back.

      Still this is good advice and I will keep it in mind! Maybe I can cultivate some more tolerance and kindness over time.

      Rowan

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      1. Rowan, the connection is there, whether we see it or not. Thousands of years of wisdom says that this works. Yoga or any other connection to your mind’s essence or soul or whatever you want to call it will always uplift you and disperse your anger, no matter where it came from. Even when you take something like gender dysphoria – your emotional pain is in your mind, not your body, isn’t it? If mind is the source of both pain and happiness then it is absolutely feasible that if we cultivate loving kindness it will be those seeds that will sprout instead of anger. Trust me, I’ve had my own issues, still do and it is not easy going against years of ingrained habits. Kindness and tolerance was never on autopilot for me, quite the opposite but at least now we know why the wisdom traditions use the word “cultivate” – it’s a long blooming process! 🙂 But it’s worth it, there is no quality of life without being more kind to others. Be well.

        Liked by 1 person

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