Pissing Drama II

pis

In pissing drama, a post that I wrote earlier this week, I explained how I could not urinate due to what I mistook as a urinary tract infection. In this second part I´ll tell you what really happened and what helped me get over the physical and mental block that stopped me from voiding my bladder for hours at the time.

My general practitioner(s) were complete sweethearts during the process. I have enormous difficulty even talking about my genital area in gendered terms, and not once did they make me feel uncomfortable. They tried their best to help me – although they did erroneously prescribe antibiotics before doing a test of my urine.

I had a sample of urine tested, and as it turned out, nothing was wrong with it. It became clear that the difficulty originated in my head, rather than with any physical trouble. The practitioner asked if I had had trouble with urinary retention in the past, and the answer was yes.  I have a shy bladder and some medications have the same effect.

I´ve learned to deal with the shy bladder. Usually I just wear headphones everywhere I go. Some people take their phones with them to the toilet to text other people, to check their mail or play a game – I take them with me to play music or some kind of calming sound, like static or the sound of rustling trees (check SleepSounds).

Although this trick helps with the hyper alertness that accompanies a shy bladder, it did not help with the dysphoria. The doc prescribed Valium to be used as a suppository, to relax my pelvic muscles. Nothing. I would wake up in the morning, with my bladder conspicuously pressing up against my crotch, and go into immediate panic mode.

Since Valium did not help, she ended up agreeing to me using a small amount of lidocaine to numb the tissue in the area. This helped. I could urinate again, although only sitting down (I had been standing to pee for over a year). The mental block partially released. Then I finally dared ask an awkward question on one of the online forums.

I wanted to know if cisguys “feel” anything in their junk or testes when they urinate. Most answers I got were negatory, until one dude told me that a (cis) friend of his would have the same exact sensation I described. It was so liberating to hear this that at this moment I am able to urinate normally again. It is the best feeling in the world.

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