If I flew back in time right now and told my younger self that I would eventually declare myself gender nonconforming, polysexual* and polyamorous, I´d probably be met with an awkward stare or uncontrollable laughter. The idea of sharing your partner with someone else – or even with multiple people – would´ve made me uncomfortable.
I figured polyamory would be complicated, and feelings of jealousy would be the order of the day. Most of all, I wondered how that would work in terms of sharing equally – to make all partners feel equally appreciated in terms of the dedication they received. I worried that I would disappear or feel cheated by the partner(s) in question.
The thing is, this could be an issue in monogamous relationships, too. In fact, it almost always was. Years of having semi – serious relationships with several people, who in retrospect weren´t really worth the time, taught me that in order for me to function in a relationship, I need to be essential in their life – I need them to need me too.
I don´t want to be something on the side. I have no interest in being someone´s really interesting hobby. You would not believe the amount of people who thought that my life – including its many unconventional adventures and unbelievable heartaches – was a good reason to date me for a few weeks, and then dump me after mistaking curiosity for love.
Those people were just as inexperienced as me, and I´m sure they meant no harm. At the same time, their confusion has caused me regret a couple of times too many. Yes, my life has been strange and exciting and wonderful – and very unlike what many people have experienced. But if they want an exciting life, they need to go out and get their own.
In the end, being a true part of someone´s life has little to do with the amount of people you love or are involved with. If anything, multiple lovers can possibly deepen the relationship you have with each other. In my case, I think polyamory could add several dimensions to my life as well as some balance between independence and love.
*Attraction to multiple genders.