The Matrix

redpill

There are quite a few cirumstances that can cause individuals to question reality. To name some, these are traumatic experiences, near-death experiences, spiritual experiences, drug use, and deviations from what is considered normal mental health. Whether they are harsh or gradual, they cause us to reconsider what we thought was real.

The fact that reality can be altered within seconds, and that experiences and mental composition (inherited as well as acquired) shape our perception, is a topic that has fascinated me for a long time. If our perception of the world can be so easily altered, then is everything relative? Or are we all living in the matrix, in the Allegory of the Cavern?

While I´ll leave it up to you to decide this for yourself (I have my own theories about it), transitioning has caused me to question much of my “previous life” (as a friend of mine called his life before transition). With every day that passes, I feel more and more as if there never was anything besides “Rowan” and I was just living in a fugue state before.

The person people knew me as, identified with her past. Her past was her reality (the reasoning being that bad experiences caused her to feel awkward in most situations, and thus “overcoming” said experiences would provide the solution). However, this very perception caused her to become stagnated, and unable to move on.

It wasn´t until this reality was utterly smashed to bits by my discovery (I am Rowan) that she was able to escape and set herself free. But here´s where it starts to get confusing (more confusing than before). If her reality was an illusion, a mere trick of perspective, then how do I define myself? Is my instability still really caused by her past?

Honestly, I think not. Personally, I think that whatever trouble I still face is not so much caused by ancient origins but rather the fact that I discovered my true personality at age twenty-seven, and opted to take the Red Pill. Memories of the matrix percolate through like remnants of a really strange dream.

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