Three Months on T

chewbacca

As a female bodied individual, I´ve always been rather hairy. There was the hair on my legs, my happy trail (from the navel down), and my beard, which came in around age twenty-three and got progressively worse over the years. What started as three black hairs, became six; then twenty, then fifty, then a scraggly goatee.

I actually went to my general practitioner back then and asked him about the hair growth. “Are you kidding?” – he laughed. “Women don´t grow beards. Just continue to pluck them, it´ll be fine“. I´d love to go back to him now and tell him he was wrong – but then again – he wasn´t wrong at all. We were both just confused about my gender.

Once out of the closet, the chin hair was my best friend. Even though I still looked slightly female while binding and wearing men´s clothes (well actually, just my usual clothes), it helped me “pass” in public. Blessed with these facial features, a slight adam´s apple, and a deep voice, I rarely got misgendered before T.

As you can imagine, I expected to get hairy rather fast on testosterone. But oh boy, did I underestimate things. In the first months, I noticed darker hair trailing along the edge of the peach fuss on my arms; then upward growth of my happy trail, then hair on my loins, connecting to the hair on my legs in awesome twirling spirals.

The peach fuss on my upper lip is darkening and growing; cute strands of dark hair are sprouting from my neck and hinting that I might need to get into regular neck maintenance not too long from now. It makes me marvel at the pace in which things are changing, rejoice, and wonder if I will look like chewbacca in six months from now.

I know that things don´t usually go this fast, that there´s guys out there whose bodies let them wait much longer. I am personally deeply thankful that this is happening – not because I´m the exception, but because my dysphoria tends to evoke a crippling feeling of emasculation and anger turned inwards, such as I described here.

Despite the loathing, I can now look in a mirror and focus on the advancing jungle: admire the twirling spirals and my happy trail; and think that it won´t help if I focus on the negative because so many things have changed for me already. Besides the hair, my voice has now reached a depth that allows me to mimic bad guys in movies.

 

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