I often wonder why I feel like a child during a mental collapse. Part of it could be that I never grew up with any good examples. My parents were never quite parents – they were children themselves. My mom was at best, a hysterical teenager. My dad was just a confused boy with no idea what to do.

Part of it is the fact that the circumstances forced me to push forward even though what I needed was to be able to sit down and just cry hysterically. I never got past that. Not even now. I am still stuck with the need to process emotions from over twenty years ago, and the idea of this sobbing inner child leaves me bewildered.

Finally, there is the process of enabling. Lots of things enable our emotional, childish selves in the times we are living in. Things are just geared to sell you information and goods by appealing to your irrational want, such as wanting to be popular with your parents or wanting a stock of candy this freaking high.

We live in a society where every single deviation from the usual human behavior is collected in a book and given a label. They somehow become “special” and are given a treatment to match. Unlike other societies and our own past, care is now in the hands of the few.

Paternal functions have been relinquished to institutions. This is good in a way, it means we have faster and perhaps better healthcare than before. But what good does it do, when institutions label you as incapable of making your own decisions, and trust to substitute instinct completely with either medical or social sciences?

Nowadays I know very few people who feel courageous enough to tell their doctor exactly what they want – it is only through hardship that we learn we are mature enough to be knowledgeable. Sometimes having a degree is handy. But it doesn´t signify higher understanding.

We are expected to leave everything, including decisions about our own body and psyche, in the hands of people whom we have sometimes not even met before. Who know us a grand total of a few minutes, and yet expect to be allowed in the most personal of domains. This naturalization of dependency is worrisome.


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