I am frequently drawn to people who have been through significant crises in their lives. For example, my friends are an colorful bunch of people, many of whom have experienced deep depression, anxiety, lost their parents or other important people, been through traumatic events, experimented with drugs. A whole lot of drama.
I say “drama” lovingly. Because I don´t mind. The drama changed who they are, made them into people I respect and love. This, however, leaves the people who have not had such a dramatic life, who in fact have no need to experiment with anything, and are most content living a regular life. A vanilla life if you will. A bit on the predictable side.
There is nothing wrong with having a vanilla life. And yet something about it aggravates me. I often feel like I don´t have anything in common with these people, and I get the impression that I come across as a weird enigma to them. Maybe none of this is true – maybe I´ve generated this nonsense in my mind, in order to separate myself from them.
There is pain there. Pain of having been through some stuff that sometimes sends me into screaming, crying fits, throwing things around and then having to patch all of those things up again. Pain that in Vanilla minds, this type of behavior is “unacceptable”. You don´t process grief that way. Instead, you should sob on the couch of a psychiatrist.
I´m not saying that full-blown tantrums are the way to go. Or that Vanilla people don´t have many virtues which should be admired and aspired to. They often do a pretty good job. Heck, they are often the very same social workers, who try to get us out of our depression, out of any substance addiction, and out of our repeated crisis.
Maybe I should have more respect for Vanilla people. But I just don´t know how. I want to be excited, I want to be impressed. I like it when people are larger than life, when they are constantly flabbergasted by their own ability to overcome. When they can´t quite believe that they have come this far. Those people, they drive me and inspire me.