Gender dysphoria, often, is seen as a thing of the mind. Your mind is not accordance with your body; your brain not wired to match the sex you were born with. In the perception of society, dysphoria is often interpreted as a “desire” – and thus, a type of longing that stems from your head.
Dysphoria has been in the DSM for a long time – as an identity disorder – and thus, it makes sense that society at large would view dysphoria in this type of light. I did too, for a while. That is, until I started hormones. For the past nine months, as testosterone aligned with my personality, I have started to discover myself.
Along with this discovery has come the realization that (in my perception), I do not have a mental condition – a scratch on my brain, as it were – but that my entire nature is intrinsically male. Being a man comes natural to me, more natural than any of my awkward life as a “woman” ever was.
I´ve come to view dysphoria as a limitation of the body rather than of the mind. My body proves a mismatch for the way I feel, think and behave; and makes certain aspects of life (such as intimacy) simply impossible. I know that this isn´t the case for all transgender individuals and I don´t mean to generalize.
For me, the limitation of my body feels like a physical handicap. Yes, I am able to walk around (after a quite successful recovery from CRPS), but the severe unease I experience due to my body makes it quite impossible to do a lot of other “normal” stuff. I miss taking a relaxing shower, going swimming, and being intimate.
For some, perhaps, the equation between dysphoria and a physical handicap doesn´t feel right. Doctors will certainly not go along with this idea. Nevertheless, the feeling I had when I was dealing with CRPS (not being able to walk), felt a whole lot like not being able to live normally due to dysphoria.