In my post The Paradox, I described how reality is often composed of smaller, seemingly contradictory realities. For every truth out there, there is probably an opposite, yet equal truthful argument; and for every quality you possess there is probably one to counteract it. Take a look at any online dating profile, and you´ll catch my drift.
We humans excel at being contrary, and at times I feel as though I´ve taken this phenomenon to the next level. If I had to tell the truth on an online dating profile, I would probably put cheerful next to downer, open-minded next to tunnel vision, adventurous next to chicken and extroverted next to introverted. That´s me.
It makes sense, therefore, that in symbolic terms, I also contradict myself. Among my signs in the Zodiac, I am strong-willed with a desperate urge for freedom; but at the same time, the Chinese version says that I am cautious, very fond of little rituals and control, and not at all inclined to think beyond my own field of vision. I call it Eagle and Mouse.
It so happened a while ago that I was seated in a two-person glider for a lesson. My instructor was seated behind me. I was not having a very good day; I was insanely focused on the feeling on dysphoria and had a very hard time broadening my perspective. Literally, I held on to the yoke for dear life and then dissociated.
Now this is not good for my flying abilities, as you can imagine. As a glider pilot you´re expected to be in command, relaxed and unafraid. In this state of being, you experience the freedom that my zodiac sign is so fond of. In this state of being is where you soar to great heights and acquire a much different perspective – from above.
It´s hard for me to reconcile these two qualities I have. In times where things are stressful, my disposition goes to burrowing and creating patterns (often harmful ones) in which I feel safe. At the same time though, I want to let go, relax into whatever physical reality I have, and focus on the horizon, rather than the crumbs at hand.