Beneficial Rage II

roaring

Any negative emotion conveys power regardless of the message we choose to draw from it. If we merely accept that we feel insufficient or lacking, and project this unto other people – or unto ourselves, then hatred is damaging. If on the other hand, we choose to harness the hate and take a look at our selves, it can be constructive.

I´m telling you this because hate is a predominant topic in my life. I´ve felt hate very often. Most of the time, the anger and resentment I was feeling stemmed from being made to feel inferior and obsolete. As I internalized these feelings, it was easy to believe that I was truly inferior, and consequently hate the world for it.

The emotion of hate stemmed from a gut feeling that the world was wrong for putting me in an inferior position. And so, by accident, I had discovered my own truth: that the feeling of inferiority was untrue. The hate I was feeling told me that I should drop the idea that I was inferior and embrace my own power.

Unfortunately we are human and we never learn our lessons at once. Instead we stumble on and repeat the same old tired pattern until we´ve fooled and bruised ourselves a thousand times. Hence, despite these things I´m typing, I still deal with the same old tired emotions of inferiority and rage.

The difference, after taking hundreds of hits, is that now it takes me three months to recognize the nature of these emotions – instead of six months. And when I do, I can stop fooling myself and stop believing that I can be conquered by dysphoria. I can choose to look myself in the mirror and embrace the force of these emotions.

It´s a journey without end, for us to recognize and wield our emotions as a force for good, instead of becoming entangled in them. And while negative emotions can drive us to despair and even unto the brink of suicide, it is the same force that can give us that push we need to stay alive, and trust ourselves.

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