It´s been a while since I wrote. Not so long ago, I started to question my motivation to continue this blog. The reason behind it, at first, was to document my transition, its downfalls, its upsides. However as I changed mentally, and aged, something else has become important to me.
I don´t care so much about being transgender. In fact, in my day to day life, being transgender is never discussed, nor noticed. Rather than being an identity, I see it as background information: the fact that I had my body surgically altered, and the fact that I lack a male upbringing.
Like I have written before, I don´t care about being unique, or special. Before, I used to identify with the transgender community as a group; and yet as I drift further towards the life of some random guy, I find other things have value to me – things that matter to guys generally.
Specifically, the question what masculinity means to me, and this urge to pursue a type of true, deep masculinity – one that nowadays is being discouraged and one that I want to regain. And it is in that sense that I would like to continue the blog; the only thing that is true to me.
In this way I would shift the tone of my blog from being very liberal, to being more conservative: from the innovative and controversial to the more traditional and old-fashioned. The question that I ask myself, is whether my audiences will appreciate it, or not. I suppose it remains to be seen.
From here on out I intend to write about the qualities that people often lack, and about the inherent value of traditionally masculine traits, such as drive (aggression), stoicism, and responsibility. I intend to deconstruct “toxic” masculinity and hope to inspire confidence in men and women.