Feels All Over


This has been such a crazy year. It seemed to all have happened at once, honestly. Surprise! You´re a dude, you don´t believe in monogamy after all, you are not straight and not gay either. And to top it off, you have no clue in romance or even in platonic relationships. Like a nice piece of demisexy cake with sprinkles of awkwardness all over.

When I came out in October of 2015, the experiences I had were pretty much limited to straight men. Sure, there was a short fling with somebody who considered themselves bisexual (but who never actually had a gay experience), and this guy from Alaska, who is pretty kinky and exploring/expanding their own sexuality through the use of WhatsApp.

These people are great. If it hadn´t been for them, I wouldn´t have learned anything beyond the sexuality between straight men and women (yawn)*. Regardless of these experiences, I still have no idea how to navigate romance despite (or maybe by virtue of) my transition, resulting asexuality, and other things I would like to explore.

Yesterday I got a little taste of how awkward this situation could possibly be. A friend came over, he is someone I met on a dating site a couple of years ago – when I still identified as female and straight. He was polyamorous, which meant that he already had a relationship with someone else, but I was still okay with meeting him, he seemed cool.

Despite his cheerful demeanor, and the mutual understanding we seemed to have, the polyamory thing was quite outside of my comfort zone, and so we just let it go and stayed in touch as friends. As time passed and I changed from one end of the gender spectrum to the other, my outlook on this changed. We went for drinks, and I brought it up.

So how would you feel about a platonic relationship on the side?” I said, “taking into account the relationships you already have“. I was asking in part because I wanted some intel on the view of polygamous people on this issue, and in part because I was honestly interested whether he would consider upgrading our friendship to a more intense level than it is now.

Intimacy is important to him, he said. At the same time, he hadn´t considered that being intimate in a less-than-sexual way could actually qualify as a type of relationship. Most people, he said, would probably not think of it as an intermediate category. Time passed. At 02:00 AM,  I finally let go of my reservation and zeroed in for a hug.

* I´m just kidding you guys, straight relationships can be fun.