Today marks the start of my thirty-first year on Earth. I´ve got to say, I´m taking it pretty well. Despite the mini-crisis I had concerning my age a while ago, I am now completely fine with it and not worried about it, either. The only thing that might be strange, is still getting read as 21 at the age of 30.
Nevertheless, turning thirty still feels like quite a big deal. If only because it´s the first birthday without my grandmother – she used to still always send mail. I miss my own mother on this date as well. Having to shun her because of the PTSD feels awful. What if I never get over PTSD?
At the same time, this week marks my signing a contract with a new landlord – something which I will tell you more about soon – as well as finally getting a date for surgery: January 15 2018. It´s starting to look as though my future – which used to be vague and distant – is finally taking shape.
Not feeling your age will always remain true, but in some ways I feel as though I have matured more in this year, than the last three combined. Whether it´s fortunate or really unfortunate, pain and patience have a way of changing you – they teach you to remain sane in the most insane of times.
My role in life seems to be shifting – from looking towards elders to guide me, to becoming the young elder who is guiding others. Young people approach me more often for help and I find people depending on what I say. I´m not a parent, but I imagine having kids marks a similar type of transition.
Anyway. Today I´m going to chill here – one of my last weeks in this place – and in the evening I´m having beers with a few friends. I will be back soon to tell you about the move, about my new roommates, and – last but not least – about my preparations for surgery and recovery.